Three rules for all humans to live by:
1) Whenever possible, put on side 2 of Led Zeppelin IV. Just kidding. Whenever possible, always assume that the following ten schools will get at least 3-5 extra points on the line based solely on name recognition, large alumni bases that only bet on their school, and historical success:
Florida, Ohio State, Michigan, Texas, Notre Dame, Nebraska, Alabama, Oklahoma, USC and Florida State.
And out of that collection, I can’t emphasize Notre Dame, Texas and Alabama enough. Always subtract 5 points from these three and 3 points from the others and see if the bet still holds water.
2) Never go out with a woman who has a tattoo of a dagger on her back. Seriously though, rule 2 involves rivalries. Except for neutral field locales, always take the away team. The combination of stressful fans waiting for the blowout, mind-numbing interviews and family visits plus the inherent expectation of a win will always deter players from focusing on the game itself. Case in point, Mich-Ohio State this weekend. I think OSU (-4) is a great bet.
3) Go out on first dates with the expectation of a blow job. Always a good rule. If you get more, spring for breakfast and a cab. If not, tell her you’ll call her when her sensibilities approach the year 2007. As it relates to our subject, rule 3 involves BCS possible teams. Right now there are approximately 15 teams with BCS hopes and each one is trying to win voters as much as games. Starters will play longer, coaches will gamble and margins of victory will increase. Take the BCS teams. You will more than you lose.
Using those three rules, let’s pick some games this week.
Ohio State (-3 1/2) over Michigan. All three rules apply to this game. Ohio State, even at -6 1/2 is good, away team, and BCS eligible. I realize UM could go to the Rose Bowl but I seriously doubt it. Besides, OSU is a much, much better team that got Zooked last weekend.
Oklahoma (-8 1/2) over Texas Tech. I may regret this one but I got to see the Texas-Tech game and, despite Mike Leach’s protests (he looks like a squashed, short Vince Gill), Tech was outmanned. OU is way better than UT plus they have the shithole know as Lubbock figured out. 4-1 in their last 5 ATS at Tech Community College. Bob Stoops will piss all over this school as they prepare for the Big 12 title game.
Oregon (-11) over Arizona. Rule 3 applies wholeheartedly here. With OU, KU and Mizzou on their tails, Oregon needs statement games since the voters comprise 2/3 of the BCS these days. Dennis Dixon is the Heisman winner should the vote happen today. Love this game. Ducks defense is underrated and the under on the 66 total is pretty good too.
NFL: Cleveland Browns (-3) over Baltimore Ravens. As my friend Roy knows, Baltimore really sucks this year and didn’t even score but 7 points against the Bengals last week, at home no less. Ouch. Brian Billick is on his way out. A bad coach who caught lightning in a bottle during the Super Bowl year.
Tags: poker, reuben sandwich, rob morrow
November 16, 2007 at 2:25 am |
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